Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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