Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
