He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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