i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Im part way to drunk.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize