a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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