would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You ate ashes out of my bong
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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