Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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