We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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