OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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