Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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