Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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