2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
