My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
