So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
