dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
