After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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