Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
