he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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