i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize