nut hugger
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
