just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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