They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
