Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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