i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
