I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize