overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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