Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
