I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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