I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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