i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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