All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
