Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
