what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
