I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
