I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Barsexuality is the new black.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
