Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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