he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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