dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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