I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This baby is an asshole
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
