peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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