My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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