I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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