ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
