He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
