I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Apparently you make a good broom.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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