Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
cat food counts as protein by the way
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
