As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If I die, sorry about rent.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
