I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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