I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
