DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
