based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Found the puke drawer
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
