remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
