She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
