you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
