so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
