is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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