that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize
