just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
