Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
