they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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