tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
