dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
