I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
