just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need to calm my uterus...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
