why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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