honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
