I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
