fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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