you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize