by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
