2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
