dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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