Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
