all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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