Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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